....بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

"Seandainya aku mati, aku relakan penulisan aku ini menjadi sebuah kenangan aku di dunia ini bersama orang yang aku sayang, bersama pengalaman yang aku lalui, bersama pendapat yang aku kemukakan. Ku abadikan segalanya disini. Inilah perjalanan hidupku. Doakanlah aku tenang disana. Ampunkan segala khilafku semasa aku di dunia yang bersifat sementara ini. Pesanku, teruslah bangun untuk ummah ini...."

Disclaimer: Sebarang 'Copy and Paste' perlu diberitahu terlebih dahulu

Monday, May 20, 2019

Sebuah apresiasi buat yang selalu di sisi

Pesan dia, "Kalau akak dapat tahu salah seorang daripada korang, yang akak sayang ni, jadi badut media sosial, siaplah! Kalau rasa nak telinga tu berasap dengar akak bebel, buatlah!"

Tak sangka, penyertaan aku dalam pasukan Debat Kolej Ungku Omar bagi Debat Naib Canselor menemukan aku dengan keluarga pertama aku di UKM. Lebih tidak aku sangka bila dapat bertemu dengan seseorang ini, yang namanya akan ku biarkan rahsia. Gelarannya, SN.

Pasukan debat Kolej Ungku Omar 2018 

Memang benar aturan Allah itu yang terindah. SN banyak buka mata aku, ajar aku yang hidup ini lebih daripada apa yang kita nampak. 

Pasukan debat kami anggap SN sebagai kakak kami dah, bila SN jadi 'trainer' debat. Macam mana boleh jadi kakak? Iyalah, mana ada trainer yang sanggup stay up dengan anak didik buat usul debat. Tapi SN lah yang cuba bahagi dua otak dan dua badan untuk ada kalau boleh di setiap perlawanan debat kedua-dua pasukan kami yang berbeza tempat. SN juga pengubat luka-luka kesedihan dan kepedihan yang kami alami.

SN berjaya yakinkan aku untuk berdebat. Hebatnya SN ni sebab SN seorang pemerhati yang cekap dan teliti. Setiap gerak-geri dan patah perkataan yang terkeluar pasti akan SN nilai. Penilaiannya pula, tak pernah lagi tersalah nilai. SN berjaya senarikan kelebihan dan kekurangan kami, sehinggakan susunan pasukan kami saling melengkapi, antara satu sama lain, yang seterusnya menjadikan kami lasukan yang 'solid'.

SN menjadi salah seorang yang membentuk peribadi ini.

SN juga bukan sahaja ada dengan kami sehingga habis debat, tetapi sampai hari ini, SN pasti akan cuba ada untuk kami. Kadang SN lah tempat menangis dan mengadu. SN jugalah tempat kami menuntut ilmu, 'survival kit' untuk hadap masalah dunia di kolej. Lebih daripada itu, SN sentiasa harapkan apa yang diajarnya dapat mematangkan kami dan digunakan sehingga mati. Yang pasti, SN seorang pendengar yang baik. 

Secara peribadi, nak cakap betapa sayangnya aku dekat SN ni, sampaikan aku tak akan dengar nasihat yang orang lain bagi, kecuali nasihat itu diberi oleh SN. Padahal nasihatnya sama sahaja! Kesantunan dan kesopanannya pasti akan membuatkan yang melihatnya jatuh cinta.

Luluh hati kalau mendengar SN berbicara ;) 


Larilah jauh mana, akan aku teringatkan peribadi SN. Bak kata orang, "Peribadi melambangkan diri". Biarlah cantik muka kita sama seperti indahnya peribadi. SN ajar banyakkkkkkkk sangat benda sampaikan kadang tu rasa nak menangis. "Kenapalah ada orang yang hebat sangat macam ni?" 

Bagi aku, susah nak jumpa orang macam SN. Seorang yang fokus, teliti, menilai dan membanding. Benda-benda macam ini terlalu halus untuk ada pada diri seseorang itu kalau kita tidak dan malas berfikir. Tujuan, perancangan dan matlamat yang SN tetapkan juga jauh, tetapi teliti. 

Hebatnya juga rasa yang aku rasa sekarang ini, sampaikan tidak terluah dek kata-kata. Tak dapat aku bayangkan, masanya akan tiba bila mana SN akan pergi, jauh dari hidup kami.

SN pernah cakap, "Akak tak pergi mana pun. Apa yang akak bagi pada korang akan cukup buat untuk akak ada bersama korang."

Perawat kekoyakan yang ada.

SN, terima kasih atas aliran ilmu berharga yang kadang diri ini tak nampak dan tak terkutip. Terima kasih kerana sentiasa ada dalam merawat kedukaan diri, walaupun awak sibuk. Terima kasih juga kerana ikhlas disepanjang keberadaan awak disisi kami semua. Percayalah, kekuatan awak menjadi kekuatan saya. Semoga suatu hari nanti awak berjaya mencapai matlamat dan impian yang awak selalu impikan. 

Sukarnya untuk saya gambarkan betapa indahnya awak, betapa sayangnya saya pada awak, walaupun dengan kata-kata. Biarlah rasa ini tersimpan di hati ini, mungkin ianya terlalu berharga untuk diluahkan. Tapi yang pasti, jasa dan kata-kata awak tak akan saya lupa. Memori kita, berbual sehingga sahur, bercerita itu ini, riak muka awak disetiap perbualan, akan menjadi kenangan terindah. Harapnya ukhuwah ini berkekalan.

Terima kasih :') 






Nota buat SN: Kalau awak baca ni, jangan ajuk sepatah pun ayat daripada penulisan ini. Saya malu >,< Tapi awak kena bagitahu saya kalau awak dah baca. 


Sunday, May 19, 2019

Welcome back

Bismillahiraahmanirrahim,
Assalamualaikum to everyone, especially you, the readers.

This post seems to be quite boring, but I will tell you how was I during those missing years. 

It has been a long time since I really write about my life here. I actually tried to let this blog vanish away. But I found that this blog has left a big memory and part of myself. That is why I come back here.

The main reason for my come back is because; updating some posts in our own blogs is one of the assignment for us in Computer Application.

I am surely have a lot to tell you dear dearie. A lot of things has changed, for the past few years. When I first opened up this blog, I read through some posts! I found that they were so childish! Hahaha. My last post was on 31 December 2013, which marked today, is the first post after 5 years, five months and 19 days which has change a lot of thing. Yeah, will let you catch me up after this.

So, yeah let me simply break through that five years, before I tell you how I am with my life now.

2014- Student strugggle

I am 15 years old, a student that will be taking PT3. If you guys followed my previous story about that one guy, during few more days before PT3, I found out that he has been coupling with someone in his school. So that was the time I decided to stop loving (?) or liking (?) him.

I went through my form 3 life just like the others. Alhamdulillah, I got 7As in my PT3 and missed the As on BM penulisan, BI writing and of course, after struggling so hard, it was Science. I am okay with that. No, I mean I know myself. It may be the reason for me to struggle harder in my SPM. However it is saddening for me when I saw my mum's face; she was a little bit dissapointed.

2015- Honeymoon year? 

They said that it is a honeymoon year to be in form four but for me I am not. I continue the struggle as I know, I am not brilliant as the others. I did the struggle. I am a prefect. New prefect and as early before May I think, I started doing the Hostel Leader's work. Everything was just fine until someone came into my life. She changed my life upside down, after all. Her presence has made me lose my sense and logic.

However I keep studying. But my focus on that time was only study, and her. Anyway, I took almost months to move on from this part. At the end of the year, I got to own a position of the Head Leader for 2015/2016 session. Holding a big position is not like sitting like a queen. In the process of doing my job, there were a lot of problems, mistakes that blamed on myself and I learnt how to be tough.

It has been a dark year during my high school. Seriously, even I learnt a lot but I still can't deny that it is dark, scary and toughest year during high school. Even tough I got an award during MASTER Award 2015; Curriculum Award 2015, it was still not enough to mend my broken-self.

2016- Senior Year.

Finally, high school has becoming to an end. Being in the final year has been great, soooooo great! I met my little sister (adopt), she helped me through those hard times in the previous year, I managed to handle my hostel greatly, I studied better, I struggle more, I was really enjoy anyway. By the end of the year, I got another award; Olahragawati 2016. Haha do not laugh if you know how my physical looks like! It was an award that I never imagine. But yeah, after all, my struggle in hockey since form one has paid off. All those injuries and pain, really make the award worth after all.

But, it is not a life if one has not face any problems right? Yeah, it is again LOVE PROBLEM. Haha. I forgot to tell you guys that in form three, I tried to forget the guy I usually told in my post, so I made SA as a medium for me to forget him! So when we were in form five, it was like few more days before my real SPM/ trial SPM, I think... (I do not know why problems always come nearly my exam date LOL) Someone has sent a letter, warning me to stop liking him. And yeah, I really not into the mood to tell this as a whole story, but I ended up to throw EVERYTHING. Yeah! I threw his nametag and our photos. However, you also know that it is not easy to delete someone we like, as easy as throwing the rubbish away. One of my tips to not being so down when rejected;

Do not put the hope as high as what we dream for, cause when it falls, it will fall far from our expectation; which means HURT.

So basically I was okay that time. I cried for only half an hour, threw all those things and after that, I AM OKAY. I came back stronger few hours later. Hahaha. So basically, 2016 end with SPM Papers.

2017- The Reveal of Everything

This year is the year when everything reveals. Come! Okay In the beginning of the year I got a message from one of my batchmates, she suddenly said that she pity me for some reasons. In short, she reveled that all those letter thingy and incidents happened before, were actually SA's plan in order to make me stop liking him. But yeah, who cares? I SURVIVED!

2017 is also a year where again, I tried a new thing. Changing course from engineering to accounting was a dare to die action. I took Accounting during matriculation and despite those struggles, I finally make a comeback with 3.96 pointer, Alhamdulillah.

2018- Away from Perak

I applied UKM and I was accepted. So this is the first time for me to study away from Perak. I am just doing fine in this first semester, and end my first sem with CGPA 3.61. Relieved, but the pointer is nearly dean! Need to work harder.

2019-Struggle.

Time flies so fast that I dont really concious that I am now on my 12th week, which means I have 3 weeks left till my first paper. With tones of assignment for 10 subject for this semester, I am half-dead everyday. Chasing the duedates. I will surely share this struggle in my future post, inshaAllah.

Despite of being busy in study, I also active in participating programmes. That is why I am always busy with meetings and activities. Semester 2 started around February, and I only came back home after 11 weeks, almost three months!